It’s 8.37am as I start to write this, and it’s obviously going to be a painful one. As ever, all I can do is share my thoughts and my experience of yesterday.
It might be counter-intuitive, but it was genuinely one of the best days I’ve ever had as an Arsenal fan … until it wasn’t. The pre-game stuff was brilliant, spending time with my friends in a great city, and the vibes were immaculate, as they say. The atmosphere was incredible. Arsenal fans were in great spirits from the off, and I think I said this to Tim Stillman, but I don’t think I’ve ever been as chilled out before game of this importance before.
I felt relaxed and happy. Then Kai Havertz scored a brilliant goal and it hit me like a ton of bricks. There was too long to go. When the ball hit the back of the net, the celebrations were intense. I think I hugged someone behind me and just could not let go. Sorry to that guy this morning but this was out of my control. All we had to do was hang on for another 84 minutes.
My recollections of key events of this game might be cloudy. I’ve only seen one replay of one incident (more on that anon), but everything else is just from my vantage point in the ground. I thought there was a handball by Bukayo Saka and time stood still but play went on. At half-time I paced the concourse. I think I met Mikel Merino’s brother (if his name is Unai, it’s the guy who looks exactly like Mikel Merino).
In the second half they got their penalty, which I haven’t seen, but everyone says it was so fair enough. 1-1. After which I though we gave almost nothing away but at the same time we didn’t really cause them problems ourselves. Perhaps the next development phase for this team is to be able to take a hit like that and come storming back in an attacking sense. We are generally outstanding in terms of our solidity and organisation, but there’s another level we need to go to further forward.
At the end of 90 minutes I paced the concourse again. I hugged random people because I needed to hug and be hugged. I think I met David Raya’s brother. Didn’t catch his name but he was the guy who looked exactly like David Raya. I was tense and nervous and hopeful and scared and optimistic. My glass was half full and half empty. I think they hit the post. I felt like the referee was giving them everything and us nothing. Noni Madueke went down in the box and I wanted a penalty. I’ve seen the replay. You’ve seen them given but with my rule of thumb about how I’d feel it was the other way around, I have to say I’d have been unhappy if that was given against us.
Penalties. I stood arm in arm with my pals. When Eberechi Eze missed but then Raya made a save I thought we were going to do it. It didn’t work out. People ask why Gabriel was taking the 5th one, and I do understand, but if a player is feeling it and he wants to do it, you have to go with that. The ball went over the bar. There was a surreal but completely explicable feeling of loss. Hands on head. There were tears. There was applause for the players. Both those things were understandable and necessary. You just can’t miss two penalties in a shoot-out and realistically expect to win. It hurt. I hurt for Gabriel and Eze, two players who have given us so much to enjoy but who will feel like they let the team and the fans down. Maybe some will see it like that, but I look at it a different way. They didn’t want to do that.
I couldn’t stay to watch much more. There were more hugs for the people we shared the game with. The incredible Arsenal fans around us in the stadium. Thank you for making it such a fantastic experience, until it wasn’t, but that was out of our hands. I couldn’t help but think of 2006 when we lost it in Paris and me and Swedish Chris wandered the streets and no taxi driver would pick us up. 20 years later we were all hoping for better but football is a cruel game. It felt brutal, I can’t lie.
We walked back into the city centre for a post-game therapy session. The night ended with a table full of randomly assembled Irish guys drinking beers and whiskeys and then James arrived, having done his work at the stadium. More hugs. I came back to my hotel. They had turned the air-conditioning off and the room was the hottest place on earth again.
It remains sweltering this morning. I’m going back to Dublin tomorrow, and I’m going to spend today with some friends, have a few drinks, eat some food which I barely did at all yesterday, and just relax. It feels like the longest ultra-marathon of all time has come to an end. In the very, very, very warm cold light of day, I feel the hurt of not winning, but I also recognise this team and manager delivered something very special to all of us this season.
We’ll have another go at this bastard competition and I think we can win it. Probably next year if the Arteta Champions League progression remains linear. However, we’ve enjoyed a wonderful 10 days since becoming Premier League winners, and while it might be bitter-sweet to some extent because of last night, I think today’s parade will demonstrate how much that meant. We wanted more, it wasn’t to be, but it doesn’t undo what we achieved this season. I’m proud of this team.
I hope the Eze and Gabriel songs ring out loud and proud. Nobody misses a penalty on purpose. If we’re hurting this morning, imagine how they feel. I hope if you’re going you have the best time with your friends and family and the random strangers who will be your friends by virtue of proximity and affliation. If you’re not going, I hope you have a great day wherever you are in the world. I hope you remember this season as special, because it was. What Arsenal did and how Arsenal fans responded was, I think, uniquely us.
There’s no club like it. Thank you for your continued indulgence of me and my words, written and spoken. It’s been a long old trip this season. I’m tired. I’m emotional. I’m sad. I’m happy. I’m lucky I get to do what I do and share it with great friends and new people I meet along the way.
It’s 9.25am now. I think I might go have a little cry again, then go about my day. I love you all. Mind yourselves.
❤️
